There was a little old wedding on the planet of the damned
The queen of Siam married the amazing Spiderman
I've got a four thousand dollar photograph to prove it's true
And a million and one reasons for the fucked up things I do

Now there's a million little brain cells dying everyday
Making me that much less accountable for the things I say
I got a stack of Scientific Americans to prove its true
I got a million and one reasons for the fucked up things I do

Now if you invited the whole world to your house tonight
You'd have a real hard time trying to find a place to hide
I got thirty plus years of experience to prove it's true
I got a million and one reasons for the fucked up things I do

There was an itty-bitty bug in an elephant’s ear
Telling him everything that he wanted to hear
And elephants never forget a thing you say its true
I got a million and one reasons for the fucked up things I do